1998 - I was a white coated haematology registrar finishing my stint in the big transplant centre. It was a 30 bedded unit filled with patients on complex chemotherapeutic regimens who were in and out of hospital as their treatment progressed. I had two young children at home, it was a one in four rota, I was mid MRCPath and we were buying a new house. I remember it all so well.

I had to be home on time. I had to study. I had to deal with solicitors and estate agents. I had to be organised.

I was rather proud of the index cards I made up for every single patient who was going to need multiple admissions. In the cavernous pockets of my white coat I had a bundle of alphabetised cards on which were names, NHS numbers, height, weight, surface area, cytogenetics, chemo regimen, doses, admission dates and brief updates. I could pull these out of my pocket in a flash to complete notes, wrap up discharges and sound very knowledgeable for the weekly professorial ward round. They were my pride and joy.

It is not always good being told how to do things, you have to find your own way. Colleagues and supervisors have to appreciate that their way isn’t the only way.

Appreciating that your way isn’t the only way

It came to my last day on the unit, handing over to the next registrar and with great pride, thinking this was me – the best mentor possible, I gave him the bundle of cards.

I remember the look on his face. It wasn’t quite the overwhelming gratitude I was expecting, it was more a perplexed revulsion. Those cards went straight into the ward shredder. I couldn’t believe he didn’t think they were going to be useful. But they were clearly not the way he worked.

It is not always good being told how to do things, you have to find your own way. Colleagues and supervisors have to appreciate that their way isn’t the only way.

Understanding the differences between coaching and mentoring

I use this example a lot when I am trying to explain the role of a good mentor for a doctor. Mentoring usually describes the long-term support and guidance that comes from a more experienced and knowledgeable supervisor or colleague. It isn’t being told how to do something, it is using the skills of reflective listening, gentle questioning and clarification to support someone’s role. In a good mentoring relationship, you can learn from each other.

Coaching is different, often a little more formal and usually done by someone trained in the role. There is a clear mutually agreed goal, often around personal development at work. The coach is not necessarily in the same profession but brings with them relevant expertise, tools and techniques to help their client improve performance. Coaches will ask questions which provoke self-reflection, challenge, perspective and feedback to the individual.

Sometimes all I do is listen, other times it is a series of conversations where things become clear after the right questions are asked, feedback is given, insight gained and the coachee works out what they need to do or learn.

In medicine, we need a bit of both at different times but traditionally have tended to assume everyone has the skills to be a mentor just because they are a bit older and more experienced. Not many people are offered coaches but it is a regular feature in the business world where an individual’s leadership skills are highly valued for the effect they can have on a company’s performance.

I have coached and mentored for a number of years now. I went on a mentorship training course and then latterly completed a formal qualification in coaching. I know it doesn’t suit everyone and a lot of people probably think it is a bit mumbo jumbo, psycho babble at times but you get good feedback, people go on to achieve and it is a personally rewarding thing to do as well. I have coached people coming back to work after illness, the recently promoted, the want to be promoted, the applicants for “the big job”, those finding their feet in a new organisation, those wanting to get home on time, the “unsure what next” person, the managers of complex departments, the “imposters”, the ambitious and those wondering why everyone else is just so ambitious.

Sometimes all I do is listen, other times it is a series of conversations where things become clear after the right questions are asked, feedback is given, insight gained and the coachee works out what they need to do or learn. Coaches use a particular question style which encourages this kind of outcome, so they are useful skills for anyone, especially those in a leadership position.

What makes a good coach?

Being a good coach is based on believing that everyone can succeed, that everyone has it in themselves to solve problems and find the best way around difficult issues. A coach will never lose faith in an individual’s expertise about themselves and has to be very good at listening to do this.

Coaches help an individual generate lots of ideas while barely adding any of their own and so they need to be quite selfless. Coaches work by getting these ideas into tasks that the client commits to and follows up on. Coaches need to be organised, timely and good at communication. Most of all they need to be self-aware. Coaches rely a lot on emotional intelligence – reading the room, reading the language, reading between the lines so you can help a client realise how they make others feel, what impact they are having and how to best negotiate difficult situations.

One tool a lot of coaches use is “the third chair”, trying to get people to see alternative viewpoints by imagining themselves in different chairs in the room. This is especially useful for helping people understand leadership and management. For a few doctors I have coached, this model helped them understand how to manage a new team, for others it helped with interview practice.

A good coach is:

• Organised
• Positive
• An excellent listener
• A skilled questioner
• Self aware
• Good at critique

What makes a good mentor?

Mentors are good at questions, always interested and they really listen properly. They have to remember that not everyone wants the same things the same way – so again they have to be open to possibility and be absolutely non-judgemental. They have to be good at giving feedback and good at developing a relationship where it is possible to give honest and constructive feedback.

A mentee values good, candid honesty, which is a hairline away from just being blunt. Mentors need the skills to do that in ways which help, which keep people positive and keep them trying again. As with a coach, they need to be impartial, knowledgeable and approachable but they often have a much longer term relationship with their client so that can mean a different set of skills.

A good mentor is:

• Experienced
• Understanding
• Personable
• Knowledgeable
• Creative
• Skilled at what they do
• Particularly good at feedback and constructive criticism

In my own experience of being a coach in an organisation, I have found I flit between the roles of coach and mentor depending on the situation. It is almost impossible not to, especially if asked. Just keep in mind your way is not the only way.

Working in healthcare is busy, stressful, complex and demanding. It is good to seek someone who has been there and done that (a mentor) and really useful to seek specific support when you want to achieve something specific, big or challenging (coach).

Getting started with coaching and mentoring

There are a few ways you can give or receive coaching and mentoring. See if your employer has any schemes or networks first. Many medical training programmes offer this kind of developmental support as well as training for the role. The College encourages anyone with an interest in coaching and mentoring to register with them.

There are formal qualifications you can do. I trained with the Institute of Leadership and Management (ILM) for a Level 7 Certificate in Executive Coaching and Mentoring. Their website will point you at all the other levels of training available locally to you.

I would really recommend you look into becoming a coach or mentor and I would recommend you seek a coach or a mentor too. We should all have one. It should be routine. Working in healthcare is busy, stressful, complex and demanding. It is good to seek someone who has been there and done that (a mentor) and really useful to seek specific support when you want to achieve something specific, big or challenging (coach).